Okay, I'm gonna fix my story, dammit. I have this on my wall now and a bunch of index cards I'm going to stick to it:
I need to come up with a good logline before I seriously try to fix it, though.
The beats are Blake Snyder's story beats from
Save the Cat! (which is a great book and I highly recommend it), plus some other things from other books on structure I've read. I may not follow it exactly, but it's helpful to have them there as a guide. Each row is an act, except act II is split into the two middle rows.
Edit: Okay, here's the current shape of my story, color-coded by most important character in the scene.
What we can see from this supports my intuition that the first and third acts are pretty solid, although I'd like to have a better hook in act I (it opens with an action scene, and I think those are hard to make interesting before you know characters and stakes), but the middle section of the story needs work. For example, my B-story is weirdly placed, and I don't think I'm going to be able to hit the B-story introduction beat at the beginning of act II. I know act II needs another scene for pacing reasons, but the beginning of it is pretty crowded so I think I'm going to move the pinch point or introduce another one. Also, my act II part two is a desolate wasteland that is going to need to be completely overhauled. I'm not currently doing a good enough job of escalating the stakes or establishing the antagonist as a credible threat going into the finale. The scenes that I have there right now are short and mostly exposition, so I think I'm going to need to cut those down and rework them to be better somehow, then add a completely new sequence for the bad guys close in beat. I also need my pre-act III nadir, which somehow I completely missed in all of my prior planning, urgh.
When I'm done, each scene will also have notes for conflict and emotional change. One thing I learned from my reading about structure is that every scene needs to have a mood swing from happy to sad/bad/whatever or vice versa. Luckily I think most of my scenes have conflict, but I'm missing this mood change in a lot of them, so it's going to take some reworking.
Writing is hard, by the way.