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Father Matthews (Read And Critque)

Our Father who art in Heaven....

Another resounding boom came from the direction of the doorway of my old wooden church, showering the alter I knelt before with one-hundred year old dust. Each of the twelve candles when out before me in an burst of light as the dust smothered each lambent flame. I prayed. Prayed for my parishioners and my organist. I prayed for myself.

Hollowed be thy name....

Another crash from my makeshift barricade told me I would soon be in the hands of God. But I wasn't going to meet Him without taking a few of the sinners that beat on His door with me. I stood and grabbed the steel cross on a pole that sat opposite The Virgin Mary, and held it like the Flaming Sword.

They Kingdom come...

and the Kingdom had come. The dead walked and killed the holy and the sinners alike, turning them into abominations. A final crash and the sound of splintering wood heralded these creatures entry. I ran at them, a madman in the palm of our Lord, swinging His son's torture tool at the mound of encroaching dead. I hit one of them with firm strike that sent it reeling out of the doorway.

Thy will be done....

I stepped back to survey the damage I had done to the zombie only to find several others taking its place in the entrance. I stepped back stunned for a moment at the horde that writhed in front of me. I backpedaled toward the alter again, wishing for The Chariot to take me now.

On Earth as it is in Heaven...

I raised my hands to the sky and yelled “Lord take me to the Kingdom of Heaven so I might serve at your heed!”. The mass of corpses continued to walk, no shamble is a better word, toward me. I took a step back and tripped over Mary, sending me to the ground and shattering her ceramic visage.

And Give us this day our daily bread...

Among the shattered ceramic pieces sticking into my buttock, I felt something hard and slightly rounded. Reaching beneath me I found I was sitting on a sawed off shotgun and a small box of shells. Dear Marie the organist had always been paranoid of some anti-god nut coming in and shooting the place up. Dear Marie probably stashed a gun in the Virgin Mother for protection. I had a moment to savor the irony.

And forgive us our trespasses...

I did a quick check of the gun, finding it was well cared for and loaded. I swept up the shells and stood to face the unholy.

As we forgive those who trespass against us...

The shotgun went off, a lightning bolt in the palm of my hand, blasting the cranial cap off the nearest of the horde and sending the others back a bit. I moved to the far end of the church, hoping they would follow, hoping they weren't smart enough to corner me. Both of my hopes were fulfilled when they came at me in a straight line, allowing me to run around the side of them toward the entrance, towards freedom.

And lead us not into temptation...

A zombie blocked my path, and I delivered him to hell with a hole the size of a baseball through his head.

But deliver us from evil...

Air, sweet dirty city air. It filled my lungs like the light of God fills my heart. It stank of freedom and exhaust, taking my woes away with its sulphuric breeze. I heard gunshots in the distance. If those things weren't smart enough to corner me, they certainly weren't smart enough to shoot guns. I ran toward the sound. I ran for almost a mile, and never stopped running. Either the vigor of Samson had possessed my soul or I had enough adrenalin in me to kill an elephant.

For thine is the kingdom the power and the glory forever...

It was a school, were the shooting came from. A school with a high concrete wall and a main gate, blocked off by sand bags and ten men, firing at the shambling horde, cutting them down with the power of man. The men cleared a path for me and allowed me to jump the sand bags.
“Hey” a gruff looking fifty-ish man said to me in a low tone.
“Hey” I said back in pure wonderment.
They strip-searched me for cuts or bites. I had none, as I was careful in the church to let none of the unholy touch me.
I was admitted into the school soon after. And thats how I became the resident Pastor at the stronghold...

Amen...
 
Not bad, not bad. There were a few small grammar mistakes, but I'll not be OCD and point out every one of them. :x The feeling you're trying to create is being felt (by me, at least), but I also felt that it perhaps went too fast. You have a lot of opportunity to expand on what the character is experiencing. For example, my mind automatically assumes that it's dusk out and we're very good at filling in the details like that, but they may not be what you want them to be. It's something I'm attempting to work on myself and I think it could help you in this situation. It's not a major concern; it's a suggestion if you want to work on improving this.

It would be interesting to read more of this. :)
 

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