HBGames
Please note that the only thing I've ever been good and experienced in writing is love stories, which limits me to a select few answers for questions on this subject.
This tutorial will show examples on how to improve the feel of your feeling based paragraphs. There's much you can do to touch up your work, unless it's already up to date with my examples :D
Let me bring up the example that I'm going to touch up a little.
To me, I can't feel what the characters feel without having a more love-like language using some other verbs and ways of setting up your sentences.
I'll explain. As the first sentence, we could change that into:
Making use of adjectives is very important, as explaining exactly how beautiful the characters look and how perfect the moment is, is really an important way of presenting love.
Let's move on to the next sentence. I feel that the word said would might not work in this situation; but of course it would depend on your story of course. Yet, a different way of presenting this could be by adding the emotions of what he does instead of the way the words come out of his mouth.
So now we got the third line. It's really fine, but if you want more descriptions on how things happen, you could add an adverb to 'laid' so it would look something like this:
Now the next line is a but odd. 'A short moment went by.' Oh yeah, sounds a bit incomplete and boring. How about we write it like this:
The last line. Oh yeah, of course a story usually won't end like this, but this is just an example for the tutorial. The last line is fine, but whispered is a word we would not want to use. A better verb for this sentence is 'murmur':
So the final result compared to what we started with is now:
Now how's that compared? I think it's a way much better result than the first, but of course, it can always depend on how your story is supposed to be presented. This is more of the soft love part; the warmth.
I hope this will be helpful to some, but I know that most people here intend not to write about love, but it's something I enjoy writing about; always.
I'd appreciate feedback and suggestions from your side for improving things like the example of mine even more.
Thanks and regards!
This tutorial will show examples on how to improve the feel of your feeling based paragraphs. There's much you can do to touch up your work, unless it's already up to date with my examples :D
Let me bring up the example that I'm going to touch up a little.
Now that looks fine, but it could have been even better, don't ya think?
To me, I can't feel what the characters feel without having a more love-like language using some other verbs and ways of setting up your sentences.
I'll explain. As the first sentence, we could change that into:
Now how's that? Big change! Now it sounds like a great start.
Making use of adjectives is very important, as explaining exactly how beautiful the characters look and how perfect the moment is, is really an important way of presenting love.
Let's move on to the next sentence. I feel that the word said would might not work in this situation; but of course it would depend on your story of course. Yet, a different way of presenting this could be by adding the emotions of what he does instead of the way the words come out of his mouth.
By replacing 'he said' with 'he smiled', the reader will automatically think to him/herself that it's not a normal voice he's using, it's something more unique and delicate. Adding the sentence limb after is just to create this nice feel after it, and creating a short pause for the eyes before they move on to the next line. You don't want it to be too sudden the next line appears.
So now we got the third line. It's really fine, but if you want more descriptions on how things happen, you could add an adverb to 'laid' so it would look something like this:
It's all coming together now.
Now the next line is a but odd. 'A short moment went by.' Oh yeah, sounds a bit incomplete and boring. How about we write it like this:
Now that really does not express the moment, but it expresses that he now moved his hand up to her head before the next line comes into play.
The last line. Oh yeah, of course a story usually won't end like this, but this is just an example for the tutorial. The last line is fine, but whispered is a word we would not want to use. A better verb for this sentence is 'murmur':
So the final result compared to what we started with is now:
Now how's that compared? I think it's a way much better result than the first, but of course, it can always depend on how your story is supposed to be presented. This is more of the soft love part; the warmth.
I hope this will be helpful to some, but I know that most people here intend not to write about love, but it's something I enjoy writing about; always.
I'd appreciate feedback and suggestions from your side for improving things like the example of mine even more.
Thanks and regards!