Legends of Spiris I Update 5/2/2009

[Jeff]

Can you format your original post so it is organized and easier to read? I can't stare at it for more than two minutes without wanting to bash my monitor in. Put the characters and story each in their own sections and title them, then use some bold text to separate the characters. If you can do that I'll give you some detailed feedback.

 

[Tachiba]

Okay, it's better organized.  Funny, I was thinking about organizing it anyway

 

[Dark_Cover]

I to am making a game in which the character has no combat traing, there for you chose his class when he starts learning to fight. I realy like the idea of having control over the characters class...

 

[Tachiba]

I know right?  But the main reason is because they're too many games where the main character is like 13 and has super strength and can carry a sword.  Riz is JUST a boy that has  no combat.  In fact, it's not till he gets older, that you can choose his calass. But when he's a kid, he's a rookie(only use clubs and maybe hands)

 

[Dark_Cover]

exactly what i was thinking....I look at all these game and the first thing i start to think is WTF how does this KID know how to kil a dragon that an army suposedly couldnt take down...
It never makes since to me...

 

[Surmuck]

Few points worth addressing on your story:
-Whether the rest of your story is original or not, amnesia has been done, done, and then done again. It's really just getting old, and in your specific storyline I don't see him having amnesia as a major part of the game. There's more creative ways to get the same effect, I'm thinking.
-Why would Millie take him back to her people, when she is (I assume) aware that they are very racist against people like him? Seems like a very, very, very poor decision on her behalf, and one most people wouldn't make.
-The council seems like it's making a bad decision, as really - why make such a compromise with this boy they have such loathing for? I mean really, they seem like extremists to me - who really don't mind killing their own people for breaking laws, or outsiders. If anything, I'd see them coming to the decision of just killing the two of them, so either it was poor characterization on your part of these people, or there needs to be another motive not to just kill them both.

My opinions Sorry If I restated anything that's already been said.

 

[Tachiba]

Few points worth addressing on your story:
-Whether the rest of your story is original or not, amnesia has been done, done, and then done again. It's really just getting old, and in your specific storyline I don't see him having amnesia as a major part of the game. There's more creative ways to get the same effect, I'm thinking.
-Why would Millie take him back to her people, when she is (I assume) aware that they are very racist against people like him? Seems like a very, very, very poor decision on her behalf, and one most people wouldn't make.
-The council seems like it's making a bad decision, as really - why make such a compromise with this boy they have such loathing for? I mean really, they seem like extremists to me - who really don't mind killing their own people for breaking laws, or outsiders. If anything, I'd see them coming to the decision of just killing the two of them, so either it was poor characterization on your part of these people, or there needs to be another motive not to just kill them both.

My opinions Sorry If I restated anything that's already been said.

1.Amnesia has a semi-important role in the story, as his past is rrevealed later on when he's older(2nd half of the game), and those are some BIG spoilers if I told you.  In the beginning, Riz dosent try to remember his past so much, since he dosent mind it so much.  His personality is to be glad about event that are happening now, and that looking back would mean he wasnt glad with what he had.  This develops while he stays with Millie, and he believes if he thinks about stuff in the past, his life would take turns fdor the worst.  This is further implanted into his personality when he tried to remember things in his past.  But coincidentally, Vale comes and causes the incident that takes Millie's life away.

2.Well, the main problem with Riz is:No one knows what race he is.  He possesses the body shape of a human, AND the average strength  of a boy his age.  But his ability to reach a certain Area in the game(spoilers), and his "monster' AuRa,  leaves the question unanswered.  The oother problem is that Millie finds on a walk around Symphonia Forest, when he finds him on the floor, near-death.  She decides that it's better to take him home than leave him to die.

3.The Symphonian are not VERY,VERY Hard on people.  It's only big problems,like treason, that they kill people.  But when it comes to outsiderts, they are harsh, mostly because they dont want anyone else to see their country.  In fact, they were planning on killing Riz anyway, but Millie asked for Kourose to protect Riz.  Bound by his promise, he decides to trick the people of Symphonia into thinking that Riz will be kept in the country so he can't leak any secrets into other countries(in truth,  he's waiting until he knows he'll die, into tricking the people into saying he erased his memory again, which is why he's able to leave.) 

 

[zornsthorne]

Tbh I agree with many other people in this subject amnesia etc. Storylines are very overused in many many rpgs. Old rpgs such as tales of phantasia or Final Fantasy1-6 used this as a basis for their storylines and games to evolve, Back then they were original well, virging on overused but they came up with new and exciting ways to spruce them up. Such as Final Fantasy 6. Even recent games such Dark Eternal use these elements and show that they can be still used if backed with good spoilers and cliffhangers that keep you interested. So ultimately i think if you know what you are doing go ahead and try your best, but it could go either way (imo), I just hope its not one of these he turns out to be a half breed, the son of god, a prince kind of thing, because you will ultimately get allot of trolls on your page if you come off with a storyline like this.

 

[Tachiba]

trolls?

 

[zornsthorne]

People who come on for the point of insulting you weaknesses like.

Like someone who says

"Dude your shit come up with something original!"

"Your game fucking sucks!"

"Your mapping is fucking terrible"

without giving a reason why etc.

 

[Tachiba]

ah okay.

 

[death by moogles]

It's not my place to say that this isn't the place to recruit, right?
Hmmmm.

Anyway.
I think this looks promising. Personally, I would go with something other than amnesia, but I suppose you could fix it up. But this has been said >.>
I'd like to hear more about the characters. Again, it's been said, but why wasn't Riz killed and Millie simply imprisoned, if it really means that much to these people. And if she was guilty of treason, why would they grant her the right of Riz's protection? I think it would be more fun to write and more entertaining to read if Millie lived, both Riz and her reliant on the protection of the Mentor-like character, Kourose.
This is just an idea though; it's your project.
:P

It's hard for me to adapt to a non-writer-based world, but I think you need an editor x.x

But again, I'd like to hear more about the characters. Would you mind fleshing out Riz a little more to us?
:lol:

 

[Tachiba]

@ deatg by moogles:  Y'know, I could probably do that(change if Millie lived, as it could blend with the story, I'll test it out).  You want to know a little about Riz?  Or everyone else?

 

[death by moogles]

It's hard to look at your own writing from outside, but that's the best way to do it.

Not only would it blend with the story, but it would resolve the whole "WHY'D THEY KILL HER D:" thing. I would suggest working on the cultural issues mentioned too.

I want to hear about Riz.
:D
And Kourose.

 

[Tachiba]

Due to my being away from from my computer, this project is temporarily in hiatus.

I will be working on a quick little project until I get back, so be on the lookout.

 

[Tachiba]

Okay!  I'm back!  But, bad news, everyone.  My old computer stopped working, but now I have a new one(of course.)
But, the demo is encrypted, but I already know how to settle that. HOWEVER.  When I looked at my files at Filefront,
my demo was gone!  I never deleted it, so I have one thing to ask.  Did anyone download the demo?  If you did, please send it to me.

 

[Tachiba]

It looks like no one downloaded the demo before it got deleted.  Well, it's back to the drawing board!  i'LL ADD NEW UPDATES TOMORROW.

 

[Tachiba]

Listen, everyone!  Important update.  I've decided to change the order of the projects.  Kingdom is now my current
project.  Riz is not dropped, but it's on hold.  I have to redo everything, but, I'll be able to get to that soon.  I'll be working on both, but Kingdom will just be the one I work on more.

 

[Tachiba]

A minor update:  I added a link to my recruitment thread.  Those who want to be part of the Spiris team should look here:http://www.rmxp.org/forums/index.php?topic=51729.0

 

[Tachiba]

Four slightly major updates:

Added a story behind Gangia part of the Story section.

Also added Eon as part of the charactrs in Riz.

Added my Title logo created by Hanzo Kimura(THANKS!!!)

Also, I'm annoucing that I'm working on boh projects at oonce.  Some peope might not like it, but I'm very able to do that.  I've been doing it for the past 2 weeks, anyway.